so this is goodbye

okthanksbye

thank you for the years. no i wasn't procrastinating for the delayed shut-down. i was busy setting up the new agency, working hard on the collection coming out in june and coping with the sudden passing of a very close friend of 26yrs. no i'm not alright, but time will heal all pain.

to be honest, i'm not too sure how will i cope without a space to rant. as the years go by, i've grown dependent to this outlet of my emotions. it holds a lot of my memories. our memories. my journey with those that i love by my side, my corporate ladder climbing, my disgust over the non existence work ethic that made me leave what i love doing, my love-hate relationship with architecture, moving countries, my downfall, my road to recovery, my escapes, my denial, my lost love, damages i've brought upon others and vice versa, my (non)growing up, our laughter and our tears........

if i have some time in my hand within the next 2 weeks, i'll be posting up one last photo posts. photos i've found during my hard disc spring cleaning, multiply, slideshow etc. a memory of the journey we've taken together, we includes too many of us, of you, those that came and left, those that came and stayed on. those that left without a choice. those that we've lost along the way.

this blog will be still be up until i have the time to archive everything into my feedburner and fully develop www.yuechin.com. till then, we'll meet again.


edited: thank you all for the support. especially those 128 emails that flooded into my mailbox. i have yet to read through all of them, but it touches my soul to know that my writing has changed your life in some way. the very first email i received, from the girl living in shanghai with a life so identical made me cry. because until today i'm still chasing after something i have no idea what it is in circle, and at the end of the day, i'm still left with nothing. but i guess if we chase hard enough, and believe hard enough, one day we will find that thing we never knew what it is.

and this is for you,

right here, i freaked out. right after taking this shot,
i turned to pat and told her what i told her.


but i guess the end would be the same, for something that were
never meant to be. just thought i should share with you, though
you might not ever see these pictures of my trip to milan that
we never made time to share.



i guess you were right.
i never got over it.

x
YC

damn salah in the heart and head.

the answer received was pretty pointless. once again, he winged through with non-conforming explanation arguably non-arguable. which made me wonder, why did i even bother coming back in the first place?

sunday was pouring cats and dogs, and sometimes porcupines. they left for yet another one of those functions. i sat in the living room alone, on my eames till i was swallowed by the darkness. having to live here for almost two years, i think i can still count how many times have i sat in the living room with both hands.

too many things were running through my head. mostly what-ifs on something i thought i've left behind too long ago. i never knew or i've been living in denial. for the longest time but D saw it right through me in taiwan. and later E told me out of the blue that i've never it go, and A, she just knows because we both live in the same limbo.

what if i didn't freak out in duomo 2 years ago, will things still be the same?
if they didn't butt in like they usually do, will the ring still be on?
and will rainy sundays stay the same?

i don't know, and i don't want to know.

so i up and left.
hiding at the hill i love so much, a little piece of serenity hidden right smacked in the city.

being a cheapskate, and broke at the same time, i have my meals , coffee, tea, whatever right in his building, in his joint. so they say, the safest place is the often most dangerous place and vice versa.

and being the cheapest cheapskate, i leave everything, of course, on his tab.

there's nothing i can do. and no way i can vent my anger. so i guess that tab which doesn't matter much to him, is sadly, my best revenge.

tragic.

random snippets

B! says:
wat u doin alone in the hotel room then?

YC says:
passing out

YC says:
eating a lot

YC says:
watch tv

YC says:
read

YC says:
-_-

YC says:
i think i wanna come bk ASAP

YC says:
possible sunday before i explode

B! says:
the whole time locked in?!

YC says:
almost

B! says:
dont go heath ledger on me aight

YC says:
choooooooooooiiii!!!!

x

YC says:
try having a cold + nose + tooth ache

YC says:
tragically torturing

N says:
worse than discovering he's more attention seeking than a girl?

YC says:
uhmm...on second thought

N says:
i would have guessed so. luxy with nose splint tmr?

YC says:
but no smoke, no alcohol and what if someone smack my face?

N says:
but you're missing out on Sinden & Shinichi..

YC says:
.......

N says:
on second thought?

YC says:
-_-"

N says:
guessed so.

x

YC says:
no can't take it anymore. i want to go home. tmr.

N says:
but the air pressure!

YC says:
what's a nose explosion comparing to an exploded life?

N says:
babe you sure? 4th time, it's gonne be MJ. for sure.

YC says:
risk it?

N says:
i'm on your back if it's your final call. you know that. i'm always on your back.

YC says:
i need to find out. it's totally brainfugging.

N says:
i'll come along.

YC says:
great. we'll go to shinichi after.

N says:
BABE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????????